Life, as they say, had always been simple until letters and numbers finally met and joined together in Algebra. True enough, because for me, everything became so complicated whenever I encounter a mathematical problem. There was a time that I was feeling so hopeless to answer my assignment in Algebra, I turned to my grandfather - and I found the light! He instantly gave me answers, such a heaven sent! But, I forgot to read the direction in my homework, it says there, “Show your solutions!” Oh gosh, lolo just gave me answers without even writing his computations or solutions to the math problem!
Well, that’s how clever my grandfather was. I could ask him about almost everything and he’ll surely give me correct answers. Be it in Math, Science, History, and English – anything! If there’s something we cannot answer, “Itanong kay lolo”. So one day, I asked him about “pandiwa and “pang-abay”. He smiled and said, “Paki-anhi ako bis la ano ayaw la it Filipino” (“Ask me about anything except Filipino”). And I told myself, Patay!
Oh! Don’t judge him, okay? Waray eh. During his school years in Leyte, they were not taught of Filipino subject. He understands Tagalog, but his knowledge in our language is limited. However, that doesn’t make him any less of a Filipino. My grandfather is a true and proud Pinoy! In fact, he used to be a guerilla; a defender of the Philippines. He was brave enough to fight and risk his life during the World War II for the love our country.
Yes, he was a smart, brave man. But for me he is simply my lolo - a loving grandfather. I could still recall how willingly he would let me baba (or carry) on his back when I want to kahit medyo tander na siya.J He was our advocate every time lola would lock the house if we are unable to get home by 6pm. He would tell lola to let us in coz we’re just kids having fun outside. Hahah, kunsintidor lang?! When I was a kid, I used to play and collect text cards (of my fave cartoon characters like, ghost fighter, fushigi yuugi, etc). I win big from bets almost each time I play and happily go home with lots of texts in hand. But nobody was happy for me. Everyone in the house thinks those are trash, except for lolo. I would brag the game and my cards to lolo, then he’d politely say, “Makarit ka gud” (“You’re really good”). My grandfather was the only one who understands my love and kababawan for texts.J Lolo is also a very appreciative person. Give him anything like, hopia, pambahay na shorts or a cheap cologne, he would say, “Uy! Wow!” It’s as if you’ve given him the grandest gift ever! But the best thing about him was, he would stay up waiting for each of us get home no matter how late it was. Kaloka! Hindi talaga siya natutulog kahit it’s already 2-3am pag umuwi kami from gimikan! Bongga noh? That’s our lolo. Hindi mapakali pag nasa labas pa kami. He really is a father to every one of us, a true head of the family.
Lolo Tony was known for different things. He was our Crossword Master, Math Wizard and Walking Encyclopedia. But my grandfather was best as a teacher coz he educated us with life’s greatest lessons. He taught us that life is short so we must learn to love, forgive our enemies and never dwell on our problems. He also taught us to be a good citizen of this country by paying bills on time and always follow the law. :p For lolo, life is simple - appreciate, laugh and find peace in every situation. And as a fighter, he told us to be firm with our decisions and be strong to face every challenge that comes our way. He proved that to us when he had to confront, probably, the biggest battle in his life.
June 2010, our lolo, 85, was diagnosed with Stage 4 Prostate Cancer.
“What?! Cancer?!” We were shocked and began to question, “Paano na?”, “Tatagal pa ba si lolo?”. Cancer eh, stage 4 pa. But lolo remained positive and followed all the procedures he had to go through. In fact, nagco-crossword pa rin siya everyday!J He went on surgery, cobalt, monthly blood transfusion, several follow-up tests and took a lot of medicines. We prayed every day and became devotees of St. Padre Pio (said to help the sick miraculously). After 4 months of confinement, his PSA (prostate cancer indicating test) showed normal results. He was finally discharged on Oct 2, 2010. Though he lost sensation on his legs and unable to walk, at least, he was somehow free from cancer and severe pain.
As an out-patient, he had regular check-up, PT and medication. We were able to celebrate important occasions together and he enjoyed life. He even gets to watch his favorite tv shows like Eat Bulaga & Captain Barbell. Thank God and to St. Padre Pio.
But on June 2011, Lolo started to complain of moderate to severe pain from his thorax up to his head and to different other parts of his body. Through a bone scan, we learned that the cancer recurred and this time, mas kalat na ang Cancer on his bones. Still an out-patient, he again had to undergo several tests and medications. Though in pain, he would still wait when one of us is not yet home. He could put up a joke even he’s hurting. He is still the same lolo tony, the OC and sometimes masungit na lolo. And amazingly, his memory was intact. On the 4th of July, I asked lolo about America’s independence. He told us that US declared their Independence from Great Britain under King George III on July 4, 1776 led by George Washington and others. Discussion continued as he told us more stories about history. Kaloka no? At that moment dami pa ding alam and recalls almost everything!
Winner diba? That’s why we felt tatagal pa talaga siya. But on the 1st week of August 2011, he was coughing badly, temperature would go up, his BP was normally low, weak and laging tulog. So we had him confined again (part narin ng monthly medication niya). We learned that he acquired Pneumonia and had to undergo blood transfusion due to Anemia. Several follow-up tests were done and on the 3rd week of August, he was transferred to ICU due to low sodium level. Later that week, his doctors told us that lolo was already suffering from internal bleeding on his head probably due to the widespread metastatic activity which has reached his brain. The doctors spread out our options; either we submit lolo for surgery (bubuksan yung head) which has no assurance that he’ll get really better or just help him prevent from getting into a worse condition. At his age and situation, our family decided against the surgery at wag na siya pahirapan pa. Doctors and nurses monitored him closely and lolo went through a thorough intervention. The following week, lolo was having difficulty of breathing that made him subject to intubation.
Though in a palliative care, we were still hoping for the best for lolo but at the same time, we were trying to expect for the worst. We visit him at the hospital every day, although yung iba di nakabisita every day due to work and school. And while we know we won’t receive any response, we still talk to him and tell him stories. Heartfelt moment is when he tries to smile and mag-senyas na he is okay even if he’s in so much pain. There were times when we would just hold and raise his hand or arm a bit, he would immediately grimace in pain. Nakaka-awa coz ganun katinding pain na nafi-feel niya. As much as we wanted to free him from pain, we chose to give him the chance to fight for his own battle and supported him all the way. Like I’ve said, our grandfather is a fighter – a strong man.
September 16, 2011, my grandmother and I went to hospital earlier than the usual. Aside from lolo’s caregiver who was not yet around because she wasn’t feeling well, trip lang namin agahan coz my tito was there naman. Few minutes later, Charmaine, my cousin (who seldom visits lolo because of school) came in. After assessing lolo at around 4pm, we realized he defecated. We volunteered to clean him up but lola told us to just wait for Beng, the caregiver. His doctors entered to extract blood samples from him but though they were able to locate the vein, no blood extracted. At 5pm, Buboy (Charm’s brother, also my cousin) arrived from school. Lola told to us to have our merienda. While at the canteen, hindi talaga ko mapakali. I’m really having the urge to clean up lolo. Before 6pm, we went back to change lolo’s diaper. It was hard coz medyo kumalat na, that’s why we had to change not only his diaper but also his shirt, linen, almost everything. We groomed lolo properly and made him looked really neat – not knowing it would be the last.
Hours later, Beng came followed by my mom. My mom, cousins and I stayed outside the room talking about lolo. Earlier, the doctor reminded us that our grandfather’s condition is on supportive care; that there is no cure, hindi na tumatalab yung mga gamot and he is getting worse. Lolo was already suffering from multiple organ failure. His lungs, kidneys and brain were not functioning appropriately; heart nalang niya yung okay pa. We told ourselves to be prepared in case the worst thing happens. After our small chat, at around 8:40pm, a little commotion happened inside the room. Lolo had an arrest. We all panicked, called the doctors and nurses then started to pray right away.
The doctor checked his ECG, ordered drugs to make lolo’s heart beat again; nurses monitored his vital signs and performed CPR. It was heart breaking to see lolo being revived. But what concerned us also was lola, who broke down since the moment she saw lolo arrested. While praying for lolo, we tried to stay strong to comfort lola. We informed kuya (our cousin) about lolo so he could come. I was used to see such scene when I was still in nursing school, and now, I can’t believe it was happening to me – to our family.
Ten minutes after his arrest, our grandfather was revived. Thank God, lolo was still alive! We gathered around him, assured him that we are not gonna give up and we’ll support him with his fight. At past 10 pm, we had to leave the ICU coz visiting hours are over. On our way home, as in we were still on the road, we received a call from Beng. Sobrang kinabahan ako. She asked us to go back because lolo had another arrest and was now being revived. Immediately, we went back.
We reached his room at around 10:40 and found out that he is already stable. Although his vital signs were okay, the doctor asked our family if they would still revive our grandfather in case another arrest would occur because they find lolo deteriorating. We let lola decide and her decision was for them to do everything they could to keep lolo alive until he, himself gives up.
Before 11pm, kuya arrived and we were now complete. We’ve been talking and praying for lolo. Since then, we stayed and never left him. Minutes before 12mn, for the 3rd time, lolo had another arrest. They had him revived and again, the doctor asked lola if her decision is still the same because based on her assessment, it was only the drugs and ventilator that is keeping our lolo alive. Lola said “Yes”, she is sticking with her decision.
We knew at that time that lolo is gonna leave us. He was already cold, his hands and feet were already black and ibang-iba na hitsura niya. He has suffered a lot.
Since then, we never left his side and each of us had a moment with him. When it was my turn, while holding my tears I whispered to him, “kun diri mo na kaya, sige na la, diri ko pabay-an it aton pamilya” (“kung di mo na kaya, sige na lang, di ko pababayaan pamilya natin”). Then lola moved closer and for the last time, she kissed him and said, “Love you, buh-bye.”
It was so hard not to cry while seeing him dying. And no matter how much we want to keep him and stay breathing, we know we have to let him go.
At 1:00 am, he had another arrest. For more than 15 minutes, doctors and nurses tried to revive him – they did everything they could. But lolo Tony finally gave up and finished his fight. At around 1:20am, the doctor announced him dead.
We always hear people say, 'Expect the Unexpected', that’s what we did when we learned about lolo’s worsening condition. Well, maybe we can expect or anticipate but can we really ever be prepared to face for the worst thing to happen? I don't think so; coz every ample amount of hope that everything is gonna be alright, kakapitan mo talaga.
September 17, 2011, at age 86, our lolo Tony gave up his earthly body. And now that he is gone, all the lessons he taught us and the memories we shared with him will live on and will never be forgotten. We will surely miss you lolo. Have fun Up there! May you rest in peace.
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